New survey data from MyIQ reveals that partners who process the world in fundamentally different ways are significantly more likely to report emotional detachment.
The story of relationship breakdown is often framed around infidelity, neglect, or poor communication. But according to new findings from MyIQ, the more pervasive cause may be cognitive: a growing disconnect in how partners think, reason, and understand the world around them.
Drawing on survey responses from over 28,000 individuals who completed both MyIQ’s relationship and cognitive assessments, the analysis found that couples with divergent cognitive styles were twice as likely to report emotional detachment as those who shared similar mental frameworks. "Cognitive disconnection", defined by MyIQ as a mismatch in information processing, problem-solving, and emotional reasoning, emerges as a subtle but powerful driver of relational distance.
While the idea that “opposites attract” is culturally entrenched, the data complicates that narrative. Sixty-eight percent of respondents said they often feel their partner "just doesn’t think the way I do." Among couples with high cognitive mismatch, one in three found conversations mentally exhausting, and 54% reported avoiding discussions that expose these differences.
These are not stories of betrayal, but of mental misalignment. Over time, differing interpretations and incompatible problem-solving approaches erode the empathy and shared meaning that sustain long-term connections. MyIQ’s findings suggest that emotional closeness depends not only on shared values or attraction, but on the ability to construct a mutual reality.
This shift reframes relationship compatibility beyond personality or morality. Traditional models emphasize communication style or attachment history; cognitive analysis goes deeper, examining how people structure thought and experience. In MyIQ’s survey, couples with high cognitive alignment scored 27% higher on measures of trust, collaborative decision-making, and mutual understanding.
Importantly, cognitive compatibility does not require sameness. The most successful couples in the data were not identical thinkers, but partners who recognized and adapted to each other’s mental styles. Whether intuitive or analytical, rapid or reflective, awareness of cognitive difference proved key to sustaining long-term satisfaction.
At a time when relational norms are shifting and emotional intelligence is in high demand, these insights suggest that understanding how we think may be just as important as understanding how we feel. As MyIQ’s research shows, many relationships don’t fall apart because of what partners hide from each other, but because of what they fail to see, clearly and cognitively, in one another.
MyIQ’s data suggests that cognitive insight is fast becoming a new pillar of modern relationship literacy.
About MyIQ:
MyIQ was launched in 2024 and is used by over a million individuals worldwide. It is a digital self-knowledge platform that offers more than an IQ score, with over 9 million completed tests across the various test categories, cognitive, personality, and relationships, all with personalised, actionable insights. The platform offers over 25 brain games, more than 150 intelligence puzzles, 20 hours of expert video content, and 300+ lessons on emotional intelligence, problem-solving, innovation, confidence-building, and decision-making. Through its IQ test, full-spectrum personality assessment, and relationship insight quiz, MyIQ delivers structured, personalised feedback that helps individuals better understand their inner world and behaviour.
MyIQ was launched in 2024 and is used by over a million individuals worldwide. It is a digital self-knowledge platform that offers more than an IQ score, with over 9 million completed tests across the various test categories, cognitive, personality, and relationships, all with personalised, actionable insights. The platform offers over 25 brain games, more than 150 intelligence puzzles, 20 hours of expert video content, and 300+ lessons on emotional intelligence, problem-solving, innovation, confidence-building, and decision-making. Through its IQ test, full-spectrum personality assessment, and relationship insight quiz, MyIQ delivers structured, personalised feedback that helps individuals better understand their inner world and behaviour.