New data indicate that conflict avoidance is quietly accumulating as emotional strain in long-term relationships, increasing the risk of sudden breakdowns.
A growing number of couples are choosing silence over confrontation, allowing unresolved issues to accumulate beneath the surface of their relationships. New survey research by MyIQ points to what relationship researchers increasingly describe as a form of emotional or conflict debt: strain built through repeated avoidance that eventually demands repayment, often in the form of abrupt breakups or explosive arguments.
The MyIQ survey, conducted among 2,100 adults in long-term relationships across the US and UK, found that 57% of respondents regularly avoid difficult conversations with their partner. Among those respondents, 41% said they delay raising concerns for weeks or months, while 18% said they only address issues once they feel emotionally overwhelmed or detached. The findings suggest that avoidance is not a short-term coping tactic but a sustained behavioural pattern with cumulative consequences.
Patterns of avoidance were strongly associated with relationship instability. Respondents who reported frequent conflict avoidance were 2.3 times more likely to describe their relationship as fragile or uncertain compared with those who addressed disagreements earlier. Notably, 64% of avoidant respondents said past relationships had ended suddenly, despite long periods with little visible conflict.
Rather than reflecting harmony, low levels of overt conflict often appeared to signal postponed resolution. 53% of respondents said they avoided difficult conversations to preserve calm or protect their partner’s feelings, while 38% cited fear of escalation. Yet among those who avoided conflict, 59% reported recurring resentment and 46% said they felt emotionally distant from their partner, indicating that short-term calm frequently came at the cost of long-term closeness.
In briefing materials accompanying the survey, MyIQ frames conflict avoidance as an understandable response to emotional discomfort rather than a personal failure. The data suggest that repeated avoidance reinforces uncertainty about how to raise sensitive topics, creating conditions in which unresolved emotion accumulates gradually and often unnoticed by both partners.
The survey also sheds light on why many relationships appear stable until they are not. Among respondents who experienced a breakup within the past two years, 72% said the relationship ended after a single intense argument rather than a gradual decline. At the same time, 68% of that group acknowledged that unresolved issues had existed long before the final conflict.
Age differences were evident. Respondents aged 25 to 39 were the most likely to report regular avoidance, at 61%, compared with 49% among those aged 40 to 55. While the survey did not assess causal explanations, MyIQ notes that differing expectations around emotional harmony and communication norms may contribute to the gap.
Taken together, the findings challenge the assumption that fewer arguments signal healthier relationships. Instead, the data points to a tension at the centre of modern partnerships: the desire for emotional safety versus the necessity of discomfort for long-term stability. Without deliberate engagement, avoidance may function less as protection and more as a quiet form of erosion, gradually undermining relationships that otherwise appear intact.
About MyIQ:
MyIQ was launched in 2024 and is used by over a million individuals worldwide. It is a digital self-knowledge platform that offers more than an IQ score, with over 9 million completed tests across cognitive, personality, and relationship categories, all delivering personalised, actionable insights. The platform includes over 25 brain games, 150+ intelligence puzzles, more than 20 hours of expert video content, and 300+ lessons covering emotional intelligence, decision-making, confidence-building, and problem-solving. Through its IQ test, full-spectrum personality assessment, and relationship insight quiz, MyIQ provides structured feedback to help individuals better understand their inner world and behaviour.
MyIQ was launched in 2024 and is used by over a million individuals worldwide. It is a digital self-knowledge platform that offers more than an IQ score, with over 9 million completed tests across cognitive, personality, and relationship categories, all delivering personalised, actionable insights. The platform includes over 25 brain games, 150+ intelligence puzzles, more than 20 hours of expert video content, and 300+ lessons covering emotional intelligence, decision-making, confidence-building, and problem-solving. Through its IQ test, full-spectrum personality assessment, and relationship insight quiz, MyIQ provides structured feedback to help individuals better understand their inner world and behaviour.