Survey data suggests mismatched thinking speeds between partners are emerging as a significant source of emotional disconnect and long-term strain.
A growing cognitive mismatch between romantic partners, where one partner habitually overthinks while the other disengages emotionally, is becoming a defining fault line in modern relationships, according to new survey research released by MyIQ. The findings suggest that differences in how partners process emotions and resolve conflict are not simply personality quirks, but structural tensions that accumulate over time and quietly erode intimacy.
The MyIQ survey, conducted among 3,200 adults in long-term relationships across the US, UK, and EU, found that 62% of respondents believe they think through relationship issues far more deeply than their partner. Within that group, 71% described themselves as prone to replaying conversations, analysing tone, and revisiting unresolved disagreements days or even weeks later. By contrast, 58% of respondents said their partner prefers to “move on quickly” from emotional discussions, often without revisiting the underlying issue.
This divergence in thinking pace appears to shape how couples experience conflict. According to MyIQ’s data, 64% of overthinking partners reported feeling emotionally alone even when the relationship was otherwise stable. Meanwhile, partners who process more quickly or avoid extended emotional analysis were more likely to view repeated discussions as unnecessary or exhausting, with 49% saying they felt pressured to engage at a depth that did not feel natural to them.
Rather than dramatic arguments, the research points to a quieter form of disconnection. Overthinkers tend to interpret emotional distance as indifference, while faster-moving partners often interpret rumination as an inability to let go. Over time, this dynamic creates a feedback loop in which neither partner feels fully understood. MyIQ’s survey found that 55% of couples experiencing this mismatch reported avoiding certain topics altogether to prevent prolonged discussions, a pattern associated with lower reported relationship satisfaction.
The divide also appears to have a cognitive dimension. Respondents who identified as overthinkers were significantly more likely to describe high emotional sensitivity and a strong need for verbal processing, while their partners were more likely to prioritise resolution over exploration. MyIQ researchers describe this not as a clash of values, but as a difference in internal processing speed, one that becomes especially pronounced under stress.
Sarah Meyer, Managing Director at MyIQ, said the findings reflect a broader shift in how emotional labour is distributed within relationships. She explained that many couples assume emotional mismatch signals incompatibility, when in reality it often reflects unexamined cognitive differences. According to Meyer, the problem emerges when couples lack a shared language to understand how each partner processes emotion and conflict, allowing frustration to harden into resentment.
Age also plays a role. Among respondents aged 25 to 39, 68% reported experiencing the overthinking divide, compared with 46% among those over 50. MyIQ attributes this gap partly to differing expectations around emotional communication, shaped by digital culture and heightened self-analysis among younger adults. Younger respondents were also more likely to report that unresolved emotional tension spilled into daily interactions, affecting trust and long-term planning.
Importantly, the research suggests that awareness alone can soften the divide. Couples who recognised and named their differing thinking styles were 37% more likely to report constructive conflict resolution than those who framed the issue as one partner being overly emotional or emotionally distant. This finding underscores the role of cognitive self-understanding in relationship stability.
The overthinking divide, MyIQ concludes, is less about who cares more and more about how care is processed. As emotional awareness becomes increasingly central to modern relationships, the ability to understand not just what partners feel, but how they think, may determine whether couples grow together or quietly drift apart.
About MyIQ
MyIQ is a digital self-knowledge platform that helps individuals understand how they think, feel, and function by combining cognitive, emotional, and behavioural insight. Through structured assessments focused on intelligence, personality, and relationships, MyIQ provides personalised feedback designed to support deeper self-awareness and more intentional decision-making.
MyIQ is a digital self-knowledge platform that helps individuals understand how they think, feel, and function by combining cognitive, emotional, and behavioural insight. Through structured assessments focused on intelligence, personality, and relationships, MyIQ provides personalised feedback designed to support deeper self-awareness and more intentional decision-making.