New research indicates that attachment patterns formed early in life play a stronger role in partner selection than chemistry or shared interests.
A growing body of psychological research has long suggested that early family dynamics influence adult relationships. New survey findings from MyIQ add fresh, data-driven weight to that idea, indicating that people often select romantic partners who reflect the emotional traits of their parents, frequently without conscious awareness.
The MyIQ study, conducted among 2,137 adults across the United States, the United Kingdom, and Western Europe, focused on a deceptively simple prompt: "Does your partner remind you of a parent in any way?" The results suggest that emotional familiarity, rather than novelty or excitement, is a dominant force in how people form long-term romantic bonds.
According to the survey, 63% of respondents reported that their current or most recent partner shared at least one significant emotional trait with a parent or primary caregiver. These similarities were rarely superficial. Participants most often cited patterns such as emotional availability, conflict avoidance, criticism, or caretaking tendencies. Physical resemblance or shared hobbies ranked far lower, reported by fewer than 18% of respondents.
The findings point toward attachment patterns as a central mechanism shaping partner choice. Respondents who described their childhood environment as emotionally predictable were 2.4 times more likely to choose partners they characterized as emotionally stable and consistent. Conversely, individuals who reported growing up with emotionally distant or unpredictable caregivers were significantly more likely to enter relationships marked by inconsistency or heightened emotional intensity.
Age appeared to sharpen awareness, though not necessarily behavior. Among respondents aged 35 to 49, 71% recognized parental parallels in hindsight, compared with 52% among those aged 18 to 29. Despite this increased recognition, relationship patterns remained largely unchanged, suggesting that insight alone does not automatically translate into different choices.
MyIQ's data also highlights a distinction between chemistry and emotional recognition. While 76% of respondents said initial attraction felt spontaneous or instinctive, only 28% believed they had actively chosen their partner based on rational compatibility. The remaining majority described their decision-making as intuitive, even when later acknowledging familiar emotional dynamics.
"People often mistake emotional familiarity for compatibility, particularly when those patterns were normalized early in life," said Sarah Meyer, Managing Director at MyIQ. "The research underscores how attachment operates quietly, guiding preferences long before conscious evaluation begins."
Importantly, the study does not frame emotional inheritance as inherently negative. Participants who reported secure early attachments also tended to form relationships marked by trust, emotional responsiveness, and mutual regulation. In these cases, parental mirroring appeared to reinforce stability rather than dysfunction. Among this group, 68% described their relationships as emotionally satisfying over the long term.
The implications extend beyond dating culture into broader conversations about self-knowledge and emotional literacy. Recognizing inherited attachment patterns may help explain why certain relationship dynamics feel compelling, even when they are challenging. MyIQ’s findings suggest that partner selection is less about chance encounters and more about deeply embedded emotional templates formed long before adulthood.
As discussions around relationships increasingly move toward accountability and psychological insight, emotional inheritance may prove to be one of the most consistent and underappreciated forces shaping modern love.
About MyIQ:
MyIQ was launched in 2024 and is used by over a million individuals worldwide. It is a digital self-knowledge platform that offers more than an IQ score, with over 9 million completed tests across the various test categories, cognitive, personality, and relationships, all with personalised, actionable insights. The platform offers over 25 brain games, more than 150 intelligence puzzles, over 20 hours of expert video content, and 300+ available lessons on emotional intelligence, problem-solving, innovation, confidence-building, and decision-making. Through its IQ test, full-spectrum personality assessment, and relationship insight quiz, MyIQ delivers structured, personalized feedback that helps individuals better understand their inner world and behaviour.
MyIQ was launched in 2024 and is used by over a million individuals worldwide. It is a digital self-knowledge platform that offers more than an IQ score, with over 9 million completed tests across the various test categories, cognitive, personality, and relationships, all with personalised, actionable insights. The platform offers over 25 brain games, more than 150 intelligence puzzles, over 20 hours of expert video content, and 300+ available lessons on emotional intelligence, problem-solving, innovation, confidence-building, and decision-making. Through its IQ test, full-spectrum personality assessment, and relationship insight quiz, MyIQ delivers structured, personalized feedback that helps individuals better understand their inner world and behaviour.