New survey suggests relationships are more often eroded by unresolved emotional slights than by dramatic betrayals, pointing to a quiet but persistent pattern MyIQ calls "resentment accumulation."
Relationships rarely fracture in a single moment. More often, they thin out gradually, shaped by small disappointments that are noticed, remembered, and left unresolved. According to new research from MyIQ, this slow erosion is widespread. In a recent survey of 2,300 adults in long-term relationships across the US and UK, 71% said that minor, unresolved issues had fundamentally changed how they viewed their partner before any serious conflict occurred.
This gradual emotional drift is what MyIQ describes as "resentment accumulation": the build-up of emotional friction caused by repeated small slights, unmet expectations, or perceived dismissals. Unlike infidelity or overt breaches of trust, these moments are often ambiguous and easy to rationalise away. Over time, however, they reshape how partners interpret each other’s behaviour, often turning neutral interactions into sources of irritation or withdrawal.
The survey data suggests this process operates largely beneath the surface. 64% of respondents said they rarely or never raised minor emotional grievances at the time they occurred. Instead, these issues were mentally noted and carried forward. Among those who reported high levels of accumulated resentment, 58% said they had already emotionally distanced themselves from their partner before recognising the relationship was in trouble.
This quiet distancing appears to have tangible consequences. 69% of those experiencing ongoing resentment said they had become less inclined to share personal thoughts or concerns, while 54% reported interpreting neutral behaviours more negatively over time. These findings suggest that resentment accumulation does not simply reflect dissatisfaction but actively reshapes emotional perception within the relationship.
These patterns are especially pronounced in relationships longer than five years, where routines and unspoken expectations are more firmly established. In this group, 74% reported that recurring, unresolved issues felt more damaging than isolated major arguments. The data challenge the assumption that relationship breakdowns are typically caused by dramatic events rather than prolonged emotional wear.
Sarah Meyer, Managing Director at MyIQ, said the findings highlight a blind spot in how relationship health is commonly understood. “The data shows that many couples are not undone by one defining incident, but by a series of moments that feel too small to address individually,” she said. “When those moments accumulate without resolution, they begin to alter trust, generosity, and emotional safety within the relationship.”
MyIQ’s Relationship Test was designed to surface these patterns before they harden. By examining emotional triggers, conflict responses, and communication styles, the assessment helps individuals identify where resentment is forming and why certain behaviours carry disproportionate emotional weight. In the survey, 67% of participants said that seeing their resentment patterns articulated helped them recognise issues they had previously dismissed as insignificant.
The broader implication is that relationship strain is often detectable earlier than couples realise. Resentment accumulation appears not as a sudden rupture, but as a measurable shift in perception and behaviour that precedes visible conflict. Left unexamined, these shifts can become the emotional default of a relationship.
As Meyer noted, "Small emotional experiences shape long-term dynamics. When people learn to identify and name those experiences, they gain the opportunity to interrupt patterns that would otherwise feel inevitable."
Understanding resentment not as an emotional failure but as an accumulation process may offer a more accurate framework for recognising relationship risk before it becomes irreversible.
About MyIQ:
MyIQ was launched in 2024 and is used by over a million individuals worldwide. It is a digital self-knowledge platform that offers more than an IQ score, with over 9 million completed tests across the various test categories, cognitive, personality, and relationships, all with personalised, actionable insights. The platform offers over 25 brain games, more than 150 intelligence puzzles, over 20 hours of expert video content, and 300+ available lessons on emotional intelligence, problem-solving, innovation, confidence-building, and decision-making. Through its IQ test, full-spectrum personality assessment, and relationship insight quiz, MyIQ delivers structured, personalized feedback that helps individuals better understand their inner world and behaviour.
MyIQ was launched in 2024 and is used by over a million individuals worldwide. It is a digital self-knowledge platform that offers more than an IQ score, with over 9 million completed tests across the various test categories, cognitive, personality, and relationships, all with personalised, actionable insights. The platform offers over 25 brain games, more than 150 intelligence puzzles, over 20 hours of expert video content, and 300+ available lessons on emotional intelligence, problem-solving, innovation, confidence-building, and decision-making. Through its IQ test, full-spectrum personality assessment, and relationship insight quiz, MyIQ delivers structured, personalized feedback that helps individuals better understand their inner world and behaviour.